Austin, TX, Fire Department Lieutenant Amanda Bennett, who has dedicated most of her life to saving lives, now admits that she tried to take her own.
“I attempted suicide two years ago,” Bennett told KXAN News. “I was fortunate my officer was cued in to my struggles. I was supposed to go into work that day and he couldn’t reach me, and he made a decision to detour from his drive to work, to check in on me and he found me.”
Bennett says the daily traumas firefighters are faced with has become, for some, a crippling reality that is sometimes too much to bear.
“These traumas manifest in weird ways. We carry them and don’t even realize it, ” Bennett said. “I talked to my brother [about her suicide attempt] and seeing the look on his face, it broke my heart. I knew his heart broke for me because he just had no idea.”
Bennett shared how just driving through the neighborhood can bring back traumatic memories for firefighters.
"There are little things you never escape,” Bennett said.
“I can’t drive past 360 and 183 without thinking of a car wreck where an entire family was killed besides one family member. I have constant reminders throughout my years in the fire service driving down roads thinking oh that’s where a high school girl died, oh, that’s where a kid accidentally shot his brother.”
“It was the first place I really felt safe talking about my vulnerabilities to other firefighters, I didn’t have to edit myself,” Bennett said, adding, “We are supposed to be problem solvers and there is shame, a feeling of weakness if you need help.”
Bennett, of course, is not alone feeling this way. There is a growing number of firefighters facing mental health challenges across the country.
“I’ve been with Austin for 15 years and we’ve lost four people to suicide,” said Bennett.
Following the latest suicide, the Austin Firefighters Association (AFA) is calling for specific tools to provide help to the men and women who keep the community safe.
“Firefighters are pretty resilient, but they are humans, everyone has a breaking point, and they need some relief,” said Bob Nicks, AFA’s president.
Texas has the fourth-highest reported suicides and Nicks says it is time to action. He wants to bring in an extra cadet class and is calling for an additional workweek reduction from 53 hours a week down to about 50.6 hours.
Bennett believes a reduced work week is a good start, but has some other ideas, too.
"Let’s be honest with ourselves so we can be honest with the people close to us so they can help us,” Bennett said. “My goal is to keep the conversation going and set clear paths forward for people who feel like there are not any options.”
